Now that its October (wow did the seasons change fast or what???), I thought I'd take a little time and reflect on the summer that was or was not.
Let's back track.
Fall of 2008... I composed the entire orchestral score to my church's Christmas musical in about two months. ugh! Creative burnout...but in a GOOD way. Meanwhile I was still in a job drought that began all the way back to summer of 2006. Lo and behold I did land a job but soon found that I perhaps shouldn't have taken it, as the fit was not good at all (it was a non-fit, actually lol!)
OK on to 2009...after the creative hi-functioning period that was 2008 (2nd solo album, wrote a book, and scored a musical all in 12 months!), I promised myself that I would take action to make myself less busy. Which is a Catch 22 -- I'm at my best when I'm insanely busy, but I HATE myself for it! It affects my spiritual health too :(
So anyway....I did manage to meet a special someone during this time and it would appear that 2009 was going off swimmingly....but all of the sudden my entire life came crashing down. First got laid off from the job - which was both a HUGE relief (cuz I hated it), and also a huge blow to my self-esteem cuz you think you're not good enough any more. Being wired such as I am, the news was a blow to other facets of my life. My girlfriend and I broke up, family stress and financial worry seemed on the increase and more. wow...what a summer! So I spent the last part of the summer with a broken heart and spirit. all of the sudden I felt so alone in my own skin I often wondered "what next God" "ok, is this the end? Are you calling' me home God? because I really don't feel like living right now"
More than 3 months later, I'm doing ok, but wow... its all a blur....God has stood there with me when I didn't wanna stand any more. but I can still say this "God is God, and He's my God, and I am His Child!". All the wrong I've done, He's still My God. :) As the Bible says "if God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
Keep the faith, keep praying, keep dreamin', and keep loving. Never EVER forget to tell someone "I love you" -- there's someone in your life or in your path EVERYDAY that needs to hear that from you. Family, friendships, and time are too precious for you to miss the opportunities.
A song that I keep coming back to over the years is Don Henley's The Heart of the Matter. I play this song at every solo appearance I make. Henley is my #1 influence as a singer, and a huge influence on my songwriting as well. This song rings so true for me all the time anymore.
I've played this song for 10 years now, and I've played it *for* many people and *with* many people. I'll never quit playing or performing this song...because someone needs to hear it even if its just yourself that you need to forgive!
Blessings, R
The Heart of The Matter - Don Henley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLgUuHl2xJo
and remember...
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